and other works by Bonny Ploeg
 This site is certified 39% EVIL by the Gematriculator
Attention: On July 3rd, some hacker got intoour PC and replaced the HTM-file of this page with some Jamba-advert.
It took me a lot of time replacing it, andas a result, here's a message for all the hacking suckers:
Back to business:
You may want to goto my Central Page, if you're not there already. From this, you'llhave easy access to all my files.
Coming soon:
-The Duck And The Dragon
-Bonny's Cookbook for Lonely Hearts
Index of other works:
-The development of Dutcheducation and the 'school battle' from the French ages to 1921
-101 ways of getting a seatfor yourself in a very full train
-Big Claus and Little Claus
-The White Cat
-The Magic Violin
Ican Notwriteanythingfunny
-Cluedo for Dummies
-The life of a bastard
-The Harmonica
-On a victim of modern times
-The importance of life
-Oh, how my wrists bleed
Cluedo Chronicles1: Fatal Illusion walkthrough for PC
My English is by no means perfect. In fact,English is my second language, and therefore not the ideal language toexpress my ideas in. So please, if you discover any typo's, grammar errorsor spelling mistakes, confusion between UK and US-english, etcetera:
mail to

De ontwikkeling in het NederlandseOnderwijs en de schoolstrijd vanaf de Franse tijd tot en met 1921
(BBP 2001)

Vóór ca. 1750 was er in Nederlandgeen sprake van massa-scholing. Onderwijs voor de massa van het volk bestonder niet, of hooguit in primitieve vorm. Voor kinderen van arme mensen bestonder zoiets als de armenschool: een school waarvoor geen schoolgeld werdbetaald. Onderwijs voor de arme kinderen verstrekken werd gezien als liefdadigheid.Vaak werden zulke scholen door kerken onderhouden. In adellijke en rijkekringen kregen kinderen thuis les, soms zelfs van een 'gouverneur' diebij het gezin inwoonde. Alle onderwijs had in de eerste plaats een godsdienstigkarakter. Dit beschouwde de staat als normaal en noodzakelijk.
Meer lezen? E-mail de auteur met het woord'school' in de subject line.

In English:
The development of Dutch education and the'school battle' from the French ages (1800-1810) to 1921
(BBP 2001. This translation: 2003)

Before +/- 1750, there was absolutely no formof mass-schooling in The Netherlands. Education for the plebs didn't exist,or at most in primitive shape. For children in poor families, there wassome sort of 'poverty school', a school for which no tuition was charged.Providing education for poor children was seen as charity. Often, theseschools were maintained by churches. In nobler and richer circles, childrenwere taught at home, sometimes even by a tutor who lived with the family.All education had a religious nature. The state considered this normaland necessary.
Are you interested in this article? Then e-mailthe author with the word 'school-engl' in the subject line.

(BBP, 2001)
-Mocht er iemand naast je gaan zitten, imiteerhem dan. Ga net zo zitten als hij en doe al zijn bewegingen na. Dit isvooral leuk als hij naar de WC gaat.
-Beschrijf in een lyrische bui het voorbijtrekkendeHollandse landschap: zo plat als een pizza, zo schoon als het reukorgaanvan een neuspeuteraar.
-Scheer je hoofd kaal, laat je volzetten metpiercings en tatoeages, rook ketting (dwz. steek je volgende sigaret aanmet de vorige)*, praat met een robotstem en rammel met al het ijzerwaardat je draagt. Maak een grommend geluid als er iemand naast je dreigt tegaan zitten.
-Doe je sokken uit en leg ze op de bank naastje.
-Lees een boek met een ontzaglijk lelijk persoonop de voorkant en zorg ervoor dat een eventuele persoon naast je er steedsnaar moet kijken.
-Trek een T-shirt aan met copulerende Haribo-beertjes.
meer lezen? E-mail de auteur met het woord '101'in de subject line.

*:Roken in de trein is verboden sinds 1 januari2004.

In English:
101 ways to get a seat for yourself in a veryfull train.
(BBP 2001. This translation: 2003)

-In case someone decides to occupy the seat nextto you, imitate him. Sit in exactly the same way and imitate all your victim'smovements. This should be fun when he goes to the toilet.
-When you're in a lyrical mood, describe thepassing Dutch landscape, as flat as a pizza, as clean as the olfactoryorgan of a nose-picker.
-Shave your head, have your body tattoo-ed andpierced, smoke chain-wise (light your next cigarette with the previousone), talk in a robotic, grunting voice, and jiggle any iron things youmay have on you. Make a nasty growling sound if someone tries to sit nextto you.
-Take off your socks and put them on the seatnext to you.
-Read a book with an incredibly ugly person onthe cover, and make sure any person wanting to occupy the space next toyou, has to watch it all the time.*
-Wear a T-shirt with copulating Gummy Bears.
*This one actually works: as I was reading abook with a hideous character on the front, I noticed no-one was sittingnext to me, though the train was crowded up to standing. This gave me theidea of writing down various ways to get a seat for yourself in a veryfull train, which, as you might have guessed, happens more often to methan what is bearable.

Interested in more of these daft jokes? E-mailthe author and put the word '101-engl' in the subject line.

NOTE: The author has resigned all rights on 101...The document may be printed and distributed freely, as it was originallywritten to be placed in trains for all the poor train travellers to read.

Big Clausand Little Claus
(a fairy-tale by Hans Christiaan Andersen. Thisversion was originally written in English by BBP in 2000)
The history of Big Claus and Little Claus isa strange one for more than one reason. First of all, the names are veryodd. You'd say that big and little would refer to their length, but that'snot true. There lived two men in the same village who were both calledClaus and who were farmers. But there was a striking difference betweenthem. One was rich, the other was poor. The people in the village calledthe rich guy Big Claus, and so the poor farmer had to be called LittleClaus. The rich farmer had four horses, but Little Claus only had one.
Now ploughing your land is always a heavy task,especially if you have only one horse. But both Clauses had come up witha solution. Little Claus would plough the land of Big Claus, from Mondaysto Saturdays, with all five horses. And on Sundays Little Claus could borrowthe four horses of his friend to plough his own land.
On those Sundays, Little Claus always workedwith great devotion. He'd clack his tongue and slap the whip about whenshouting: "Come on, my dear horses! Tear the ground open! Then lots ofoat will come off, and that will all be for you!" Every Sunday, the churchgoerswho passed his farm, were amused by this hard-working farmer. But Big Claus,who was quite a pious guy, would pass his farm too, and one day, he heardhis friend say: "Come on, my dear animals!"
-"You shouldn't say that," Big Claus told LittleClaus, "after all, only one of these horses is yours."
-"I promise, I won't do it again," Little Clausreplied.
But the next Sunday, when he was behind the ploughagain, he uttered these words and Big Claus heard it this time too. Latterinterrupted his church walk to admonish Little Claus again.
-"I forbid you to call my horses as if they wereyours, and if you do it again, I'll smack your horse's brains out."
-"I'm really sorry, I won't do it again," LittleClaus promised, but when he returned to ploughing, he loved his life somuch that he accidentally made the mistake that Big Claus had forbiddenhim to make.
Big Claus had been standing behind a tree tosee if Little Claus wouldn't say the prohibited words again. Now, he jumpedout of his hiding place and shouted:
-"But now it's over!" He took hold of a bludgeonand gave Little Claus' only horse such a severe blow on the head, thatit died right on the spot.

Interested in reading how this somewhat morbidfolk story ends? Click here!

The White Cat
(BBP retells a fairy-tale by Madame d'Aulnoy,2004)

A long time ago, a country far away from here,was ruled by a king who had three sons.
The king enjoyed governing very much, and whenhis sons had come of age, he was frightened. He did not want to abdicate,but his sons might start a war if he wouldn't leave his position. So theking came up with a plan, to let him govern for at least another year.
One day, he summoned his sons, and told them:"My sons, I have ruled this country for many, many years, and as I'm notgetting any younger, I have decided to carry down the torch and let oneof you take my place. However, you have all been good to me, and I cannotchoose between you. Therefore I decided to give you an assignment: I willsend you all out for one year, and whoever can bring me the tiniest, prettiestdog, will get the crown. Here are receipts for the exchequer; take as muchmoney as you need."

The three sons had a good talk on it, and decidedthey would remain friends under all circumstances. They adopted differentnames, and each went a separate way. All three had fantastic adventures,but to make things easy, we'll just follow one: the youngest of the brothers.He went out, and got him a nice Alsatian. He exchanged that for a poodle,which he exchanged for a Jack Russell, and so on. Sometimes he would makea good, sometimes a bad deal, but never found himself completely satisfied.
One day, as he was walking through a dark forest,it started to rain. He walked on, but the drizzle became a terrible storm,and our hero had to run for shelter. He arrived at a beautiful castle,and knocked on the gate.

The gate opened slowly, and the prince was pushedin softly by a pair of flying hands. The door slammed shut behind him,and a dozen of flying, white hands removed his wet clothes, and pushedhim into a room with a warm bath.

What will this lead to? Where does the catcome in? Mail me, CAT in the subjectline, and find out!

The Magic Violin
(BBP, 1996. This edition: 2004)

    A long, long time ago, backin the days when witches were being persecuted and wizards were respectedand served the King, there lived a magician in a village, far away fromhere. This enchanter was much admired for his wisdom. Therefore, peoplewho asked favours from him, never used his name to address him. His monikerwas eventually forgotten, but we know he was known as The One, The GreatConjurer of the Havemo Woodlands, or He Who Shines.
There did not seem to be any limitations to thepowers of The One. He could turn strawberries into camels, make mountainsof mole-hills, yes, anything could change shape whenever he was near. TheKing of the country where he lived in, has often asked him to go into hisservice, but The One refused to leave the house where he was born in orderto slave away for a man who would take all the credit for his servant'swork.
    Even though The One was alwaysbusy with disgruntled farmers, curing lepers and teaching his pupils allthe secrets to his job, he had a little side project he worked on wheneverhe couldn't get to sleep. He was a music fan, and tried to make a magicviolin that could do anything the player desired, so that people everywherewould realize how wonderful music is. It took him twenty years, but hishard work paid off. The violin was one which looks could even make thesourest crab-apple choke with laughter. It was blue with green hair gluedto the back. The snares were made of the magician's own hair. The combwas green and glowed in the dark. The tuning pegs were pink and at least10 centimetres long, and held up by a purple carving of a pig. But, asalways, looks can be deceiving, and in this case, they definitely were.With this violin, you could establish world peace, solve hunger and travelto Mars and back in ten minutes.
When The One was finished, he had turned so old,his fingers hurt with arthritis and his elbows were struck by RSI, andhe had to find someone who would be able to cure the world of all unpleasantries.The first few people he thought of, were his three pupils. He would testthem all three, to see if any of them were able to control their own greedand relieve the world of evil.
    The oldest pupil, Iscander,was a dim chap. The One had only hired him because he felt sorry for thisyoungster. But, even though he was simple, it did not take him long todiscover how powerful the instrument really was, and that, whoever ownedit, would never have to suffer any inconvenience.
Within minutes of lending him the violin, thewizard already regretted his way of testing. Iscander had no ear for toneat all. The scratching disoriented all the bats in the neighbourhood, andgave every listener a pounding headache. ...............
I wrote this tale for a ballet when I was13. I found it back recently, and liked it so much I decided to share itwith you.
Want to read how it ends? CLICKHERE!!! You'll link to my other page.
Of heeft u dit liever in het Nederlands? Klikdan op deze link, mail me en zet het woord toverviool in de onderwerpregel.

Ican Notwriteanythingfunny.
(BBP, 2000, translated 2004)
Many a strange tale has been told about IcanNotwriteanythingfunny. His name has been changed in most tales, since hehas such an awkward name. His name has been changed in a number of stories,and even his gender has known to be changed. Here follows Ican Notwriteanythingfunny'sbiography.
Our friend Ican Notwriteanythingfunny was bornin 1716, in the lovely little Welsh village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyndrobwlllantysiliogogogoch.When he was 12, his grandmother got ill. Ican went to visit her and bringher a bottle of gin. Unfortunately, Grandma lived in a deep, dark forest,where the Big Bad Wolf hunted people and rabbits. Our friend ran in tohim!
"Shouldn't you pick some flowers for your sickgranny?" the wolf asked, as his mouth produced a breath that made his haircurl.
-"But then I'd have to leave the path, and Mummytold me to stay on it."
The angry wolf blew in Ican's face. Gotten madwith the foul smell, Ican drew a pistol from his knickers. One shot, andhe doesn't have to fear anymore.
Ican hopped on to his granny. When he got there,he saw a spinning-wheel.
-"Shall I teach you how to spin?" she asked.
Eager to learn, Ican yelled "Yes please!" ButAs these words left his mouth, he cut his wrists on the spinning-wheel.
Ican was no more. Grandma put him outside ina glass coffin. Every day, she sat next to it, looking at Ican, and criedbitter tears.
One day, a pretty lady passed this scene. Shesaw an old woman, crying over a dead boy in a box. The closer she got tothis sad scene, the better she could see Ican.
"What a beautiful lad," she thought. "I'll givehim a last kiss." She opened the coffin and kissed Ican. His wounds healedand he jumped out of the coffin.
Granny thought she saw a ghost, got a heart attackand died right on the spot. Ican fled home.
"Wait!" the pretty lady shouted, but it was toolate. Ican had disappeared. However, he lost his green rubber boot as hemade his way home. The lady found it, and spoke: "I'll marry the man whofits in this boot."
In the mean time, Ican had almost reached hishome. But only five metres away from his house, he changed into a pumpkin.

The full version can be read by clicking here.

Horoscope for the monthof...
(BBP continuous project since 2000)

Aries: Jupiter aligns with the moon in your housethis month. Pack your bags and find yourself a nice motel.
Taurus: This month, you will suffer insomniaso terrible that you'll trip over the bags under your eyes.
Gemini: You will read a story that inspires youso much you write a song. You'll sell it for a song to some rich producerwho makes it a top-10 hit.
Cancer: One boring Saturday will suddenly geta lot more exciting: a car will drive through your house.
Leo: Keep your wits about you this month: youwill have a serious hiccup attack and all your acquaintances will try tostartle you.
Virgo: This will be the perfect month for you!You can even go pole vaulting without seriously injuring yourself.
Libra: You will die this month.
Scorpio: A very handsome person will fall foryou. You trip over him and break your nose.
Sagittarius: This month, you will meet BritneySpears. She will fall in love with you immediately and serenade you everynight until next month.
Capricorn: Your best friend decides to do somethingcreative now he or she quit smoking, and takes up knitting. He will knityou a very ugly sweater with off colours, unequal sleeves and unbalancedblocks, stripes and dots.
Aquarius: This month, you will encounter yourfavourite celebrity! Unfortunately, you will make a complete ass out ofyourself in front of your idol.
Pisces: Your neighbour installs a swimming poolin his backyard, and will invite you to go nude-swimming! Enjoy!

Want to read more bad predictions? E-mailthe oracle, 'horoscope' in the subject line, and you'll have somethingto put in your school magazine.

How to play Clue!
(Clue for Dummies)
(BBP finished March 2005)

Clue is an adorable game, for age 8 and over.Someone is murdered, and it's up to you and your fellow players to findout who. It's a great game, with a certain luck element and a murder tomake things exciting. Your deductive skills and ability to pyschoanalyseyour opponents will help you find the right cards first. If you want tospoil your game forever, you can spend years finding out how to play itbest. But if you're just tired of losing all the time, you can read thisand learn how to improve your playing.
This guide has come from 13 happy years of playingClue. It's not perfect, but it may give inexperienced players a littlehelp.

This guide was written for my homepage in early2004. It has been changing a great deal from that point on, due to newdiscoveries, such as typo's.
Part of the credit on this article goes to mysister Saskia Ploeg. She initially started developing an "always-win-method",which is not entirely correct since the luck element is too large. Thiscaused me to do the same, as I'm a bad loser.
In this article, I describe my method which hasproven itself: the amount of information I can deduce, has increased enormously.It involves writing down every turn, and using your tables in a more efficientway.
I love playing like this: I can review the gameafterwards, and I can win without peeping in my opponent's notice books!

Interested? Want to win Clue or Cluedo?Click HERE.
Ook verkrijgbaar in het Nederlands.

(BBP 2003/4)
As the train hurtled through the soggy landscape,Griff thought on what he had accomplished in his life. For twenty-fiveyears he'd been walking around on this planet, for twenty-five years hehad been a part of the world, and what did he have to show for it? He couldcount his friends on one hand, after an overly hot-blooded girl had beenruined by him, his lice had run away from him, and he hadn't seen his parentssince he left home with nothing but a guitar.
"Young man, with your attitude you should behappy if you don't end up in the gutter!" his father shouted at him, ashis mother was silently crying menopausistic tears in a corner of the livingroom. Griff tried to come up with a nasty, biting reaction, but all hecould utter, were swear words. His father's face became red, then purple,his chest went up and down like a seesaw, his feet nestled in a firm positionso that he could easily burst out in a patronizing curse-flow; after aflaming monologue, mother ran weeping to the bedroom. Griff stood up, grabbedhis Stagg and walked calmly out of the front door. An unexpected draftmade the door slam shut a little too hard, which caused his mother to cryeven louder.
No more impressions of his parental home didGriff take with him. With large, in a strange way cheerful seeming steps,he walked out the street, grabbed a nut from the hazel tree, and went onhis way. He moved into a dusty little room in the crowded town centre neara building site, and spent most of his spare time practising chords andwriting crappy love songs. Sometimes he would sit on the sidewalk in frontof his apartment, but since his wailing never got any louder than the pilingfrom the building site, his neighbours didn't mind.

Interested? E-mailthe writer with the word "bastard" in the subject line. In het Nederlands:Uit het leven van een klootzak.


(BBP, 2004)
The construction of a harmonica.

A harmonica's construction is very simple. Onthe top and bottom, there are two metal plates, that prevent a player fromtouching the reeds with lips or fingers. These plates have no influenceon the sound.
The inner part is called the comb: it is a frameworkof holes a player blows through. A comb can be made of wood, plastic ormetal. A wooden comb gives a warm, rich sound, whereas a metal one willsound bright. Plastic is the most frequently used material: not only canit take spit, it gives a pleasant warm sound and does not cut your lipsopen. A minor point of the plastic comb, is its softness; it gets easilydamaged when you screw open your instrument.
On top and bottom of the comb, we find two reed-plates,that are usually made of brass. These are usually screwed onto the comb,though on cheap instruments you might find the parts are nailed together.The cover plates on the outside are normally screwed onto the instrument,except on children's toys: in those cases, we see the use of glue.
The size of the harmonica varies, depending onits function, brand, model and design. A standard Richter-model is 10 to12 centimetres long, 2 cm. deep and 1.5 cm high. The Tremolo-model canget to 20 cm. long and 2 cm high. A chromatic harmonica, including lever,reaches a length of 14 cm.

Interested in this essay on the harmonica?Mail me with mondharmonica (Dutch)or harmonica (English) in the subject line.


On a victim of modern times, a play on themysteries of life, designed for bored stage-play companies with a surplusof women (BBP 2003)

This act should prove to be very fun, providedyou have a good audience. It consists of several experiments:
-part of the cast is walking or running throughthe audience, at all time.
-seating is single: all seats are "surrounded"by aisle
-the audience is requested to clap in their handsat any time they think is necessary
-actors have to write their own text (thoughI wrote some as guideline). I always felt you're best acquainted with linesyou wrote yourself
-the main character dances back and forth, throughthe audience

The story line is simple: a main character, whocan be male or female, realizes society leaves little space for individuals,and flips as a result.

Special requirements: lights need to be able tofade or brighten, a disco-ball is convenient, blue lights are preferable.Chairs in the theatre must be detached, preferably be placed at a largedistance from each other. The audience must be serious.
This play needs a lot of music. The music directoris free to choose which tune to use, as long as it answers the demandsof the play: pressing, hypnotic, confusing.
The words to the play are not very important:it is more the basic story and the 'special effects' that make it. Theactors and director and anyone else involved, are welcome to change thewords as much as they want, if that improves the understandability. Englishis not my first language, so the sentences I wrote are very crooked.
Actor's requirements: the main character needsa brain for remembering words, and has to write some of his or her owntext. The 5 main characters must not be embarrassed easily: their partsrequire dancing. They need not be graceful, but any dancing ability wouldbe fun.

Interested in performing this play? E-mailme with SOCIETY in the subject line, and please keep me posted.
CONFUSED by the strange directions in thissnippet? Interested in reading the play? E-mail me with SOCIETY in thesubject line.

Note: Dutch version is also available. Send anemail to any of those addresses for more information.

available in both English and Dutch
(BBP 1999-2000)
(Brief summary of the previous: LN and VI areboth sitting in a chair, being bored.)
LN: Now what will we do?
VI: Will you stop asking me that? I told youa hundred times I don't know!
LN: Sorry.
VI: All right. (pause) I've got it!
LN: (suspicious) Got what?...
VI: Let's have a tea party!
LN: We can't play that! I'm a boy!
VI: So am I. (pause) How's about something elsethen?
LN: Hide and seek?
VI: (enthusiastic) What a good idea!
LN: OK. I'll hide in that closet over there andthen you come and seek me.

Length: As long as is required. The author iswilling to add extra text in case the existing play is not sufficient.
Characters: 2. No more can be added: that wouldruin the simplicity.
The actors may not be easily embarrassed.
Requires: stage, audience, two chairs (preferablylazy ones), a clothing cabinet, a (fake) window, and a handy sound technician.
Music: bass intro (one was especially writtenfor this play: e-mail the author for more information), fanfare music (oranything that will pass for that), and Primus' Welcome To This World (oranything of similar lyrics). E-mail the authorwith 'IMPORTANCE OF LIFE' in the subject line in case you desire toread this, and keep me posted in case you decide to perform it. Dutch versionis also available.

Oh, how my wrists bleed,
available in both English and Dutch
(BBP 2001)
Alternate title: the play with 4 endings. Oneof them is operette-like: all characters, friends or enemies, end up dancingtogether. A second is dull, the third and fourth require either a maleor a female actor to jump off stage. Originally, the female character commitssuicide. I wrote it for a school tournament, and lost. But, if you're indesperate need of a play, and think this is something:

It's about a stalker. Usually when I read somethingabout stalkers, people consider them idiot. One example is that of a womanwho camped in her idol's backyard. While surfing, I encountered anotherperson who was and is considered to possess a brain capacity that's lessthan great: namely someone who claimed to be married to one of my favouriteguitar players. I wrote this play out of the view from the stalker, sothe audience feels sorry for him, to contrast this to the dreadful storiesof people with lesser mental abilities, and to ask the audience the questionwhat it takes to be sane.
Like all plays, music plays a large part in thispiece, too. Use as much as you can, to take one's mind of the play.

Still want to read this? Then mail the authorwith 'WRIST BLEED' in the subject line, and keep me posted on eventualperformances.

THE MIDDLE-AGED TWOS is one of my personalfavourites. The band 'The Middle-aged Twos' do everything to gain popularityfrom their audience. Available in Dutch and English, though I'll translateit to French or German on request. (1998)
Snubje en Snobje in het land van de lerarenis Dutch only, about two friends who are trapped in a school building.(1999)
Beaver Hills 90210 about rich people andtheir problems. Kelly breaks a nail, while Brandon can't get a date withhis girl.(Du/En) (2000)
About a bad play a daft, TV-series-stylecomic. The title says it all. (Du/En) (2001)
Edwin the third in the series about stage-artists.Edwin is a brilliant dancer in a world that doesn't understand him. (Du/En)(2000)
Of the poet who wanted to be read my 'ode'to the twits. It's my longest comic, therefore: translations on request.(Du) (2001)
The adventures of Fred the Flea and DerekDustmite some of the daftest stuff in my collection. (2002/3/4, stillgoing gags)
The Gwarpeys: little men in a paralleluniverse that argue and fight all day. (Du/En) (2003)
Oh, how my wrists bleed after the playI wrote (En) (2004)
*NEW* JERKS!!! Four people who are involvedin cruel jokes. (Du/En, since 2004, still making gags)
...and many more. In case you would like to readany of these comics, or want to receive a complete list, e-mail the author,with your request in the subject line.

Here, again, is the e-mail address: for articles, essays, stories,reviews and comics
All text files are WORD-documents. If you'rea Linux/Mac freak, I'll copy and paste the text in a mail. All comics areBMP, GIF or JPG, depends on your preference.
LAST UPDATE  4 July 2005

That's it for now.
Eternal thanks goes to the Kramers dictionarywithout which this page would not have been possible.

-the poem THE DUCK AND THE DRAGON including apicture!
-The street opera currently called Nomen estOmen, but will be renamed when I think of a better title, like Green Lental,the Wonderdog.
-Bonny's CookBook for Lonely Hearts: 101 recipesfor one person.

Cluedo Chronicles 1:Fatal Illusion Walkthrough!!!!!!!
Clue Chronicles 1: Fatal Illusion Walkthrough!!!!!!!

Feb 2005: added story, some controls, correctedsome errors, added Sabata to the map.
Since I own the Cluedo-version, I'll use thename Cluedo rather than Clue.

LMB = left mouse button
RMB = right mouse button
ESP = extra-sensory perception
talking to someone: discuss all possible subjectswith the person you're talking to

Makers: Hasbro (ATARI), EAI
Interesting site: foulplay
Difficulty: not hard
Scare factor: high
Age limit: 11+
Bugs number: Tons, tons, tons. Save often, veryoften.
Before anything, get the patch for this game.There's plenty of bugs here.
Controls: sucky. There's a few different cursors:among them are arrows and a looking glass.
Click with a bent arrow, and you will turn.
Click with a straight arrow, and you will movein a certain direction.
Click with a hand, and you will operate something.
Click on something with a looking glass, andanything may happen: you can look at it (you'll see a description at thebottom of the play field), you may activate it, or pick it up. Click ona living person with the looking glass. That person will turn to you. Anotebook will pop up, with possible topics. Click on a topic, and yourtext will appear in the bottom of the screen. Then click on your text,and you'll say it.
You can't give something to someone when you'retalking to that person. You have to close the notebook, then click on theitem in your inventory, then click the person you want to give it to.
Move your cursor to the top of the screen forthe menu. Moving it to the bottom of the screen will show you your inventory.Click on the note-book on the left, you can see notes the computer made.Click on the Cluedo-logo on the right for hints: first you get a riddle,then a hint, then the solution. You can pick up an object from your inventoryby clicking it with LMB. Deselect it by clicking it with the RMB. You geta close-up of the object in question by clicking on it with the RMB.Youuse one item in your inventory on the other by clicking one item with theLMB. Your cursor will take the shape of the just clicked item. Now, clickthe product you want to use it on. You'll only need this information whenyou open the puzzle box.

On the Boat...

You begin on a ship in the Rhine Valley, Germany,December 31 1938. You're invited to the New Year's Eve Party of the richand eccentric Ian Masque, but why?

You stand outside on the deck. There's two otherpeople here, actress Miss Scarlett, and Reverend Green, a broke aristocrat.Talk to these people by moving near them and clicking on them with yourlooking glass. Miss Scarlett asks you for a drink. After you're done here,walk in, talk to the slightly tipsy Mrs. Peacock and the frightened Mrs.White. Walk down the stairs, to the lounge under the deck opposite a lockeddoor. Talk to the psychiatrist Kell. Walk on to the purple academic ProfessorPlum, and talk to him. When you're done, proceed to the bar, talk to ColonelMustard and get a drink for Scarlett. Talk to the wizard Urfe on the couch.He'll give you a key, ask you to go to a display cabinet, take a puzzlebox from it and bring that to Mr. Masque. Then, go back to Scarlett, giveher the drink. Move back into the boat. Turn left, walk to the cabinetand get the box on the top shelf. Once you got it, a film will start. Mr.Masque walks out the locked door and talks to you. You'll go down automatically.Talk to him, then give him the puzzle box. Another film starts. Masquewill tell his guests to gather round and admire his new acquisition: aChinese Puzzle Box Of Death. He opens it, seems to choke, and snuffs it.Kell runs up to him and says he's dead. You now have a brief chance oflooking around before another film starts: you'll look at Green, who standsaghast. Then you see how he carries Masque through the previously lockeddoors.

Don't worry if you couldn't get a glimpse of Masque'sbody: you don't need to. Besides, you can take a good look at him later.That's not going to help you any further either, but it's nice if you wantto get real sick.

If you try to pick up the box, Kell stops youand says it's lethal. Talk some more to her, and to the people below deck.Start with the professor and the colonel, then Urfe. He'll teach you amagic trick with cards: the Key Card Trick. The audience member will picka card, look at it, and put it back. You'll peep at the card just beforethe one he picked. When you look at the deck, you'll have to pick the cardto the RIGHT of the key card you peeped at.
Now talk to the whacky artist Sabata. Show himyour trick, and he'll give you a picture of Mrs. White dropping an urn.He'll answer all your other questions with a very annoying "baah". Talkto Miss Popov, the pianist. She'll tell you about ESP, extra-sensory perception.She'll give you a set of cards with which you can test who has ESP andwho hasn't. Walk up towards White, and another film starts. Mrs. Whitepicks up an urn from the table, saying it's beautiful, and then it slipsfrom her hands. Talk to her, then look at the fragments of the urn she'sdropped. Observe every flinter; you'll find two artefacts under one ofthem.
Then go outside and talk to Scarlett. Test herfor ESP: she has it. Ask her what she sees, and she'll see 3 numbers: today'sdate: 31, 12, 38. She'll also tell you to visit the captain. Then go inand down the stairs again, through the initially locked doors. Go in andturn left. Approach this door: it has a number lock. You'll find the combinationis the date, but opening it is no easy task. Click on the Clue(do) logoand get a hint. Do that three times and you'll see the solution: the exactcode depends on the version you have.
    This is the most troublesomepuzzle there is. Part of that is due to the bad controls. The only hintI can give you, is to hold down your LMB until you're finished with thecombination. Bite on your teeth when your arm starts to hurt.
My combination is: anti-clockwise to 31, pause,clockwise one full turn and to 12, pause, anti-clockwise to 38, let goand click the handle.
The other one: clockwise to 12, pause, anti-clockwiseone full turn, then to 31, pause, clockwise to 38.

You'll enter a dark room where Masque keeps someof his artefacts. Walk straight to the shelves and get the gloves. Turnleft to the suitcase.
*Keep your wits about you here: Green will startleyou. He tells you he hid Masque's body in his cabin since there's "no needto have it lying around upsetting women". He goes away. Now open the caseand find a gear.
Leave this room, move to the puzzle box and pickit up with the gloves. You will also pick up a pin, similar to the vaseartefacts. Now open the box, by clicking with the LMB on the box artefact,then clicking on the puzzle box. The first latch opens. In it you'll findanother lock and a piece of paper.Get the sheet of paper from it. Takethe larger urn artefact and open the second drawer. Now take the remainingpin and open the third latch: you'll find some gear.
Now move back to the real world, through theonce locked doors, forward and up the left steps. There you are, at thecaptain's cabin. Take the puzzle box gear and use it to open the big door.You'll walk in.
Surprise: the captain is an android! Wow! Thatgood old 1938 technology.
Anyway, the robot broke down, so you'll haveto fix him. Turn right to the generator and switch it off. Move back upto the captain, click the chest gear on it, and he's fixed. Now move backto the generator. Switch the power on: the power light is yellow. Now clickon the tiny buttons: the third one first, then the 4th, then 1, then 2.
Or, to be more precise, Cross Connection, FeedValve, Blow Down, Valve.
If you can't figure it out, there's a hint here.
Now another film starts: Scarlet walks in, tellingyou what a good job you did, and the ship will stop. You'll move automaticallyto the cable hut. The only way up the mountain is through the cable car,and it's up to you to make it work.

The Cable Car

You're outside the hut, first. Talk to Green.He'll tell you to get a move on, and that the instructions are inside.
Walk in. Move to the cabinet on the left. Openit, and get: a funnel, a petrol can, and a torch. Now walk in the car,look at the dark interior and use your torch to look around. Under a benchon the left, there's a torn instruction sheet. Puzzle it into one piece.Leave the car, and move to the large copper tank. Place the funnel on itand pour the petrol in. Now move to the controls to the right. Flip theswitches on the left, then click the right handle.
A film starts, all the guests walk into the car.You go in, too, and find yourself at the controls. Click and drag the righthandle up to go up. If that doesn't work, switch the left handle and tryagain. You'll move up, but you get stuck near the ice. Move the handledown, then stop and go back up again. Don't listen to Peacock's sneeringremarks. When you smack the ice again, Mustard says: "One more time shoulddo it!" So do it again. It'll work, but the cabin catches fire, so nowyou'll have to enter the house.

In the House...

The six Cluedo characters, Plum, Mustard, Green,Scarlett, Peacock and White, have each got a riddle. They all lead to agem. It's up to you to solve them, and find the gems. Once you find them,give them to the corresponding suspect.
You're in the house. A map of the house:
                   1                             2
0000000000000000000000000000000            Room 1: bedroom of Kell. Has cabinet with skull knobs.
   SSS          8                                                   Room 2: Scarlett's bedroom
3 SSS                                                                Room 3: Kitchen with White and the freezer
 000000000000000                                           Room 4: Dining room with Peacock, Green, photo and Ouijaboard
4000000000000z00           5                            Bow-window 5: Colonel Mustard
0000000X0000000000000000000000006        Room 6: room with pendulum, Plum and lion
                                           7                9          Room 7: "illusion-room"with Urfe, Popov, and the maze table
                                                                          Room 8: locked door. Spot 9: coffin. Spot X: clock. S: staircase. z: Sabata.

You begin in room 4.
All 6 Clue (or Cluedo) characters have, at onepoint in their life, obtained a riddle. This riddle will lead to a gem.You now need to get these 6 gems and return them to the corresponding person.
Asking someone twice about a riddle means you"write" the riddle into your notebook. Oh, and you can't do anything tothe corpse in the freezer.

Green's riddle is obtainable without trouble.Ask him. When you got it, go to the cool chamber in room 3, the kitchen.You'll find Masque's body, and a freezer. Open the freezer, and take outthe 4th ice cube tray from the top. (The hint says you should take themiddle one. That's a bit troublesome since there are 6) Move to the gas-stove,put the ice cubes in the pot, click on the knob on the top row, left fromthe centre, and the ice cubes melt. The green jewel appears. Take it. Turnthe gas off again.
White's riddle is harder to get. She'll tellyou about a frightening dream she had. When she told you, go to Kell andask her what it means. Take this information back to the housekeeper, andshe'll give you the riddle. Move back up to Kell's room. Go forward andturn left, zoom in on the cabinet with skull handles. You need to openthe 16 smaller drawers, then the big drawer at the bottom. When you openone small drawer, the ones directly above, under and next to it, will openas well. The solution: 1st row, 2nd column; 2nd row, 4th column; 3rd row,1st column; 4th row, 3rd column. Open the bottom drawer and get the pearl.
Scarlett won't give up her riddle easy, either.You have to get the photo from the left fireplace in room 4, the diningroom, show it to her, and she'll tell you. The guy on the photo is an actor,a good one. When you get it, go to Plum's room. Go right after you camein, you'll see a large lion. Click its eyes, his right paw, his nose andhis ears in this order. Red light beams will now shoot from its mouth,pointing to the jewel. Follow the beam and take it.
Peacock won't tell you her enigma until you pushher. Talk to Mustard about the other guests, and he'll tell you some verysensitive information about Mrs. Peacock. Now go back to her and talk aboutthese troubles, and she'll trust you with her riddle. When you get it,go to the maze in the room with Urfe and Popov. You can find it directlyright from the entrance.
This one is very complicated to explain, butI'll try anyway. You'll start at the top left. On the top right you'llsee the "impossible" hole you need to move the marble through in orderto obtain the jewel. Moving through certain holes will cause the wallson the right side to drop down. There's three holes in the section youstart in: a black one, a white one and a red one.
-Move through the black one. You'll end up inthe large section directly left to the spiral. Now move the ball throughthe bottom most right hole. A wall drops, and you're at the starting point.
-Move through the red hole. You're at the beginningof the spiral. Move the stone through the hole in the middle. Wall drop;and you're at the start.
-Move through the white hole. You come out atthe bottom right. Move through the topmost hole you can get , and you'llend at the bottom left. Move the ball through the only hole here (you canclear the way by pressing the blue buttons); wall drop, start.
-Again, white hole, furthest hole, and you'reat another section: at the bottom right of the spiral. Clear the way bypressing blue buttons, again, to the only hole, etc.
-Again, white hole, furthest hole. The last walldrops, and you're back at the start.
-White hole, top right hole, and the stone appearsin the centre.
And if that doesn't work, you can click on thehint. It's not helping, though.
Mustard's riddle is a rebus. Talk to Mustardabout it. You'll have to get Sabata to draw out the riddle, and he wantsto see a trick before he draws anything. So talk to Urfe and get him toteach you a magic trick.You'll need to add 8 to the number given by yourvictim, then multiply it by 9. So if someone gives you 7, you'll need toadd 8 (15), multiply by 9 (135) and click on the number you get. So whipout your calculator. Get the trick, go to Sabata, show him, and you'llget the rebus. The rebus is a half-full beaker, a clock and a core of anapple. Move to the clock with the lions around it, move the handles to8:30, click the dial and it will spin round. You'll see the mechanics.Click it, get the gem and listen to the tune played by the clock.
Plum has forgotten his riddle. Now move to Popov,and ask her if she can teach you how to hypnotize. She will, if you giveher a pendant.
Now go back to Plum's room, move towards Plum,turn left, and you'll see a head with a chain around the neck. Take thechain. Move to Popov, she'll teach you how to hypnotize: take the chain,move it from left to right, closer to the face of the person you're bullying,until your victim says he or she is sleepy. Now move back to Plum, hypnotizehim and get the riddle. Just after you leave Plum's room, turn left. Lookat the coffin. There's a circle in the centre. It's divided in 5 parts,and has a tiny white circle in the middle. After the digits from the clock,we'll call the parts 1 (top right), 4, 6 (bottom), 8, 11 (top left). Click1, and blades will magically appear over 8. 4 will cause the blades over11 and 1 to move. 6 controls 4 and 6, 8 controls 6 and 8, 11 controls 11and 4. You'll need to get all blades out. If you mess up, click the middlecircle and start all over again. Solution: click 1, 6, 11, 4, 8, 11. Thegem will appear in the centre: a bony hand comes out and gives it to you.

Once you get all the gems to the rightful owners,go to the illusion-room. A film starts: Urfe tries his trick called EscapeFrom Death. He'll sit on the electric chair, get a 2000 volt shock, andcome back alive. Peacock straps him in, Kell flips the controls, and Urfegets electrocuted and dies.
Talk to Popov now; she'll suggest a seance. Getthe Ouija-board from the cabinet in the dining room. Take it to Popov,and she tells you to follow her to the dining room. Do so. When you getthere, you'll have to spell the names of all people present on the board.Do so: there's Green, Peacock, Mustard, Scarlett, Plum, White, Popov. They'llleave you out, and Kell doesn't seem to take part... anyway...
A film starts: brace yourself. The window fliesopen and Masque's spirit appears. He'll tell the guests to put the jewelson the table, which he then steals, and tells you to find out who killedhim.
After this somewhat shocking experience, you'llhave to move to Scarlett's bedroom. You'll hear a gunshot when you're outsideKell's room. Now you'll make an unpleasant discovery. Scarlett is lyingmotionless on the bedroom floor, with a gun in her hand. Now move to Plumand talk to him. He'll tell you about a note she left which says "I foundsomething", and he'll suggest you investigate her body. Now go back toScarlett. When you walk through the hall, you can hear footsteps. EnterScarlett's room. Green will attack you, but Scarlett stops him. Turns outshe was just playing dead. Talk to her and she'll give you the key to thelocked door, on 8.
Behind it, you'll find a room with a cello, apiano, a snooker table, a gambling table and a hearth. Click on the metalpokes left from the hearth: nothing happens. So move on through the dooropposite the one you used to enter the room. You'll find you're in a roomwith EXACTLY the same interior, with one small difference. Move to thefireplace, click the pokes, and the hearth opens. Enter, walk through thedoor, and you'll come in Black Jr.'s bedroom. Move to the back door, andturn right. Open the left drawer and take the jewels. Close the drawer,read the diary, then move to the back door, and you'll enter a spiral staircase.Go down and move through the door you see. You'll take a lamp as you passit. You've now entered: a maze. Every chamber has 3 doors, but not allof them open. From the beginning, move left, left, right, right, right,left, left and you'll enter the room with the sarcophagus. On it is a scalewith 6 dishes. Put the green gem in the top left, the red one in the middleleft, yellow in bottom left, white in bottom right, purple in middle right,blue in top right.
Or, for those of us who are cross-eyed (or can'ttell left and right apart), like myself:
Green        Blue
Red           Purple
Yellow       White

Note how clumsy the controls are. Use the bottomleft corner of the gem as orientation point.
The sarcophagus opens. Now a film starts: Scarletthas been following you. "Boy, are you a hard person to find."
Click on the sword to pick it up. Now pick upthe piece of paper.
Together, you'll read it. After the exiting story,Green and Xavier Black are in the doorway. They used you to get their handson the paper, so it seems, and they are behind Masque's and Urfe's death.They'll steal the manuscript and leave you and Scarlett in the locked room.The door is now closed by bars.
The stones around it, are loose. This game islike Concentration. Most stones are paired to another. Some reset the game,so watch out. Here's a map from the stones:
5 6 4 2 R
R         5
3          4
2          1
6          R
1          3
Click on the stones with the same number as assignedhere. Per pair, one bar will disappear. The stones assigned with R resetthe game.
When you're done, you're in the maze again. Goright, right, left, left, left, right, and you'll see the right door isconnected to a lot of dynamite. Use the sword to cut the wires, but becareful! The controls are clumsy: the sword-cursor is way too long: withone mouse-click you can cover 4 wires. Use the tip of the sword!
Follow the colours of the rainbow: first clickthe red one, then the orange, yellow, green, whitish blue, dark purpleon the top, and the violet one at the bottom. Make a mistake, and the placeblows apart, but you get a second chance. Move through the door, up thestairs, and you win! Sit back and enjoy.

Do be a good sport, and watch the credits. Onthe left side of the screen, you'll see some pictures that will clear upa lot.

Save this game lots of times. The list of bugsI've encountered, seems to be endless. The main ones are the following:
-Clicking on "Preferences" will lead to the immediateleaving of the game. This means I can't put the subtitles on, which isnasty.
-The game often jams when I enter Scarlett'sroom in the castle. This can mean I'm thrown out, or the cursors don'twork, or the programme becomes unresponding, or the dialogue can disappear.
-The game also suffers from troublesome cursorswhen I enter the car in the hut.
-There's another jam at certain positions ofthe ball at Peacock's maze game.
 Note how stunning the animation is. Genialexamples are the shiny dealies on Scarlett's dress, the colourful carpeton the boat, the chandeliers at the chateau, etcetera. People are veryhard to make, still: Mrs. White doesn't look convincing, Popov's make-upis awful (and if she's really Russian, her name would have been Popova),her arms end too high, and Scarlett's face seems to change during the game.

Urfe's name is Martin, Masque is called Ian, Kell'sname is Julia, there's Marina Popov, Black Jr. is called Xavier or something(it's pronounced Exhaviour), but the other characters don't seem to havenames.
The credits only mention Alexander Black, butnot what his son is called, let alone how to spell his name.

Fancy cheating?
You can access the game files using the Explorer.
Apart from getting a good insight in how a gameis made, you can find loads of pictures you might want to use as wallpaper,or to scare your friends.
On disc 1, you can see the Bitmap files of allpositions on disc one: the cabin hut, the maze, the stones... On it, youcan find:
-the order in which to place the stones on thesarcophagus: d:/assets/act4/isisscale/isisAns.bmp
-Xavier Black's diary: d:/assets/diary, thenclick any of the diary_page files
-The answer to the catacomb door: d:/assets/act4/catacombsdoor/CatDoorAns.bmpor CtCdCd3.bmp in the same directory.
-Sound files from the car scene, with Urfe sayingwhat a bad party it is, and Peacock's sneer
On disc 2 (boat), there's...
-solution to boat controls (reactivating thecaptain) d:/assets/act1/boatcontrols, configuration setting
-Sound file of Kell saying: "That box is deadly!Don't touch it" d:/assets/act1/kell/Ke1114.wav. Fun for your answeringmachine.
On disc 3(chateau), there's...
-Sound files of Popov's text in the Ouija-puzzle:d:/assets/act3/popov
-Pictures of Urfe in the electric chair, dead:d:/assets/act3/urfe, the BMP's
-More gore: Masque's body in the freezer: d:/assets/chateau/Fz/FzCpBo.bmp

What's the story? Xavier Black learns his fathermakes a wonderful discovery in Egypt. Daddy Alexander didn't want to informhis son, though, and hides the clues to the direction in a sarcophagusin a maze. 6 gems are needed to open the coffin. Alexander hid those insidepuzzles in the castle. He gave clues to the gems to people he knew. Hedies in a mysterious plane-crash. Xavier wants to get his hands on thetreasure, and sends out invitations to these 6 people, plus an investigator,a hypnotist, an artist and a psychiatrist, so they can find the gems, andXavier can steal them. Black, Green and Urfe* work together. The ownerof the castle, Ian Masque, is killed by them, possibly poisoned by Urfe*,and his body can be found in the freezer. They hire an actor to play therole of Masque: the one whose picture you found in the hearth*. The actorgets killed. Urfe had to be killed as well: Green's behind it*. Xavierpretends to be the spirit.
White did sabotage the cable car*. But Popov'sposition remains a mystery: she calls for the seance in which Xavier appears,so was she in the plot? Does Masque exist? Or was he really Alexander Black?According to the diary, Alexander Black built the castle. There's a deadbody in the freezer which is not the actor's (he can only be on the boat,since the cable car caught fire), nor Alexander's, so it's plausible thatit's Masque.
But then, who's Masque, what has he to do withthe whole thing?
Xavier was on the boat when the actor playingMasque died*. How did he get up the mountain?
And who fixed the cable car?
In other words, if your English is better thanmine or if you encounter an error I made, please let me know. Mail me andput 'fatal illusion' in the subject line.
*Stars signify that the chunk of informationis acquired from the pictures at the closing credits.